The "I" Meme

The lovely Ameya over at Wonder & Wander did this meme and I thought it would be fun to post here on my own blog.  Stuff like this is sometimes a really great way to share things about yourself that you wouldn't normally write about.  Without further ado, here's my version of the "I" meme.

{I AM …} always learning.  Sometimes those lessons are painful, but most of the time they are beautiful.
{I WANT …} to find balance in myself, so that I may be able to find the calm within my storm.  To create without the chaos and live without mediocrity.
{I HAVE …} many things to be thankful for, so I should stop letting the little things get in the way.
{I KEEP …} them alive through my memories and my legacy.
{I WISH I COULD …} find that balance.  Balance is the key and I'm still looking.
{I HATE …} insults to my intelligence.  Being seen only for my illnesses.  Not being taken seriously.
{I FEAR …} being mediocre and leaving nothing behind.
{I HEAR …} the call...  Sometimes I just can't answer.
{I DON’T THINK …} I can ever just be, no matter how much I want to.
{I REGRET …} that I don't always stand up for myself when I should.  Sometimes putting your foot down is crucial.
{I LOVE …} my lover, my dog, my family, my books, my journal and my hooks.
{I CAN …} contribute a lot to the world, if I stop getting in my own way and allow myself to. (I'm stealing Ameya's answer because this is exactly what I was going to say.)
{I DANCE …} only when I'm really, really giddy.  Or when I'm eating crab legs.  :)
{I SING …} despite being slightly tone deaf.
{I NEVER …} say never.
{I RARELY …} forget.
{I CRY WHEN I WATCH …} (see) sea turtles, or really any type of turtle/tortoise, but mostly sea turtles.  I'm not quite sure why, but it happens every single time.  Turtles/tortoises were very special to me when I was younger, so perhaps I tie them to memories of my parents or something.
{I KNOW THAT …} I am supposed to do something really great and I believe that's through telling my story.  I think that's why I'm still here to tell it.
{I HATE THAT …} I allow other people to get in my way so much, which I suppose is really letting myself get in my own way.
{I NEED …} to just do it.  Stop thinking and do it.
{I SHOULD …} be working on my writing, but instead I sit here doing this.
{I BELIEVE …} that the person we become is not necessarily based on past events in our lives, but by how we choose to react to and move forward from such experiences.  Too many people hold on to hurtful memories and allow them to destroy them from the inside out instead of finding not only peace, but strength from those experiences.  I also believe there's so much left for me to do, to say and to change.  I'm not nearly done yet.

OH HAPPY DAY!

All I have to say can be said in three words -

I AM UNDETECTABLE!

What this means is that the amount of HIV in my blood is so low that it can no longer be detected by medical tests.  It does not mean that I no longer have HIV (obviously, since there is no cure), but it means that I have significantly less risk of becoming ill because of the virus.  Basically, it means that my medications are doing their jobs and is just about the best news someone like me could ask for.

I have only been undetectable once before in my life and it didn't last for very long, but hopefully with this new medication regimen that works through different receptors than all my previous medications it will last for a long, long time.

I knew I was feeling better because I have had more energy in the last month than I have had in YEARS.  It amazes me that I went from "you're going to get sick" to being undetectable, especially in such a short amount of time.  I am so unbelievably thankful for this new medication regimen and for my new doctor who has done more for me in the last couple months than my previous care had in years.  Without her I don't know where I'd be right now.

Getting such wonderful news makes everything else in my life right now pale in comparison, but it also gives me more of a reason to make big changes in the stresses in my life and all the things/people that are toxic to my well being.  To ensure that this wonderful state lasts as long as possible it's supremely important that I stick to the regimen and clear my life of all the unnecessarily troublesome and hurtful things/people.  Time to say goodbye to all that nonsense and start living the way I'm meant to.

This is definitely a step in the right direction, and I hope things can only get better from here on out.